Press Pause: Managing Emotions in Relationships – Techniques to Live By
- mrskatrinalandry
- Aug 4
- 3 min read
One of the most common—and most damaging—issues in relationships is difficulty with emotional regulation during communication. You’ve likely experienced it before: a conversation with your partner or loved one starts off simple, then quickly escalates into an argument filled with frustration, hurt, or misunderstanding. You’re not alone. As a counselor, I’ve worked with countless couples who struggle not just with what they’re saying, but how they’re saying it and when they should stop talking altogether.
That’s why I teach a simple, effective emotional regulation technique I call “Press Pause.” It’s a foundational tool I use with couples to help stabilize engagement and improve communication—and it just might be the technique that changes the way you handle conflict for good.
Why Emotions Get in the Way
When we become emotionally flooded, the rational part of our brain shuts down. We stop listening, stop empathizing, and start reacting. It’s human nature—but that doesn’t mean it has to control us. Emotional reactivity can quickly turn a minor issue into a major one. The key to maintaining connection isn’t avoiding conflict altogether; it’s learning to recognize when emotions are taking over, and pausing before things escalate.
What Does It Mean to “Press Pause”?
The “Press Pause” technique is exactly what it sounds like: it’s the conscious decision to stop before saying something you’ll regret or continuing a conversation that’s headed in the wrong direction. It’s not about shutting down permanently—it’s about temporarily disengaging in order to re-center yourself.
Here’s how to do it:
Recognize Your Emotional State Are you feeling agitated, overwhelmed, or defensive? That’s your cue. Learn to identify the physical and emotional signals that indicate you’re no longer in a calm, connected space.
Call the PauseVerbally (and respectfully) say you need a moment. “I need to press pause so I don’t say something I’ll regret,” is a powerful and mature way to protect the relationship and your emotional health.
Physically Separate Yourself from the Space Leave the room if necessary. Find a quiet place where you can be alone. The goal is to remove yourself from the emotional intensity of the moment.
Sit in Silence Don’t plan your comeback. Don’t rehearse your argument. Just breathe. Allow your nervous system to regulate. This is where the real power of the pause happens.
Return When You're Calm Only re-engage in the conversation once you feel truly grounded. This might take 10 minutes or an hour. The time isn’t the issue—it’s the emotional readiness that matters.
Why This Technique Works
“Press Pause” isn’t about avoidance—it’s about emotional intelligence. When both partners commit to this practice, the relationship gains a powerful safety mechanism. Arguments become less destructive. Communication becomes more intentional. And most importantly, trust begins to rebuild because both people feel safer in the dynamic.
Final Thoughts: Learn to Lead With Calm
Managing your emotions is one of the greatest gifts you can give your relationship. Emotional regulation isn't something we’re born with—it’s something we learn, practice, and improve over time. When we take the time to press pause, we allow space for compassion, understanding, and healing.
So the next time you feel yourself getting heated, overwhelmed, or on the edge of saying something you can’t take back—don’t push forward. Push pause.
Your relationship is worth it. And so are you.
Supervised by Katrina Landry, PhD, LPC-S
If you would like to schedule with her click here
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